Narcissism Support Resources

Know Your Limits

2009-01-31T23:34:00.000-08:00

December 5, 2011Where to begin? After 20 years I went back to visit my mother, a year and a half after my father died. Within the last ten years, my parents couldn't find me.Were my parents narcissists? I don't think so. But they were severely damaged people, thanks to a World War they endured as little more than children. Which means they suffered tremendous loss, displacement, and

Afterlife Without Narcissists

2009-01-31T23:33:00.000-08:00

January 8, 2010Someone, a long while ago asked what my life was like now, in the aftermath of the aftermath.Actually there isn't much to say, because in my day to day life, I don't think about it.If asked to think about it, there is no doubt that I recall that my brain was fried to a crisp by my encounter with a psychopath; I suspect that some of the damage is permanent. I haven't forgotten,

Loving Narcissists and the Myth of No Contact

2009-01-31T11:32:00.000-08:00

November 18, 2009I think that the exhortation of "no contact" with the narcissist, although rightful in its claim, loses something in the execution. If you begin with "no contact" as a strategy or goal, you are likely to fail. Your feelings and belief system will conquer you. "No contact" is not a must per se; it is something that you find yourself desiring because now you have the

Ten Ways to Freedom from Narcissists

2009-01-31T11:30:00.000-08:00

November 3, 2009Once in a while, someone writes to me for advice. I do not counsel over the net. But the issues that come up are usually the same ones over and over again because disordered machinations are predictably similar.The following are all steps that I took to free myself from psychoguy's poisonous grasp. It very important to understand that the moves narcissists and psychopaths use

Sam Vaknin: Diagnosed Psychopath

2009-01-30T11:55:00.000-08:00

July 24, 2009 Update : Dr Robert Hare reacts to the film (below) Filmmaker says that DVD coming out soon!March 26, 2009I have been debunking SV and his acolytes ever since an aborted stint of revictimisation on his forum at Suite 101 (now, happily, defunct.) I have always asserted that he is a psychopath: Anatomy of Malignant Narcissism, Malignant Narcissism: Vaknin

WELCOME HOME

2009-01-28T23:58:00.000-08:00

Free: Cleckley's "Mask of Sanity"(Pdf format) Survivors Speak "To my experience, a favored technique for Narcissists is to debilitate your identity [personally, I hate the term self-esteem] by levelling false accusations and/or questioning your honesty, fidelity, trustworthiness, your “true” motivations, your “real” character, your sanity and judgement.” "He was the MASTER of

Mission: Help Yourself (Archive)

2009-01-28T23:53:00.000-08:00

Welcome To Our World This is a place for healing; a place for binding your wounds while binding the wounds of others. It all starts with questions, whether moral/spiritual/existential or practical, that relate to one's encounter with psychopaths or pathological narcissists. If you are in the midst of, or have left, a relationship with someone you suspect to be severely character disordered read

Sites To Avoid

2009-01-28T23:39:00.000-08:00

The Buddha said, Do not believe anything on the mere authority of teachers or priests. Accept as true and as the guide to your life only that which accords with your own reason and experience, after thorough investigation. Accept only that which contributes to the well-being of yourself and others. Remember to exercise reasonable caution in perusing any site that analyses or pathologises

Online "Help" To Avoid

2009-01-28T23:37:00.001-08:00

November 18, 2009When Victims Prey on VictimsThe internet is an excellent place to make lots of money.Over the years on the internet, I've noticed that the narcissism "business" has flourished by leaps and bounds. There is no greater and easier mark than someone reeling in confusion from an encounter with a narcissist/psychopath. There are no more vulnerable people than children and the

The Trap

2009-01-28T23:36:00.000-08:00

Imagine this.... You've been invited to a party, but you realize on the day you're pretty sure the party is happening that you're not sure what kind of party it is or what time you should arrive. Well, you're smart and you'll give it your best shot. So you dress in a kind of neutral casual-dressy style and show up at seven. * As you come up the walk, you can hear the sounds of a party: music,

Healing Facts

2009-01-28T23:28:00.000-08:00

Over the past year, I've discovered that the path of healing is singular for everyone. This article fits my experience and what I have observed in others; it also strengthens that conviction, that we all do what we need to do in order to heal and, yeah, we make mistakes, but without them, we'd be robots. Healing is an ongoing creative process, imo, and so, we stumble and fall..... and rise up

Surviving Emotional Abuse

2009-01-28T23:24:00.000-08:00

Whatever kind of abuse, whether physical, or persistent, insidious psychological and emotional abuse, you are not to blame! ~Invicta, MA, 09/02 SHRAPNEL By Lily DeVilliers One of the real problems that I have with the current societal view of abuse survivors is the heavy emphasis on self-help-centered 'healing' and 'recovery' from the abuse. Domestic

A Soul With No Footprints

2009-01-28T23:01:00.000-08:00

* Narcissism is considered a less severe form of psychopathy. This opinion piece arises from my experiences in several support groups and the concerns that survivors bring to them and how those concerns are treated. It is also based on my own experience in healing. Healing is a mysterious process. We use the word, but what does it mean? Does it mean the scars don't

Obsession

2009-01-28T22:54:00.000-08:00

~obsession~ I've written about this to some extent in "A Soul with No Footprints". People tend to look upon continuous, seemingly circular thinking about the abusive/disordered ex or soon-to-be ex as pathological. Sure we can get stuck in the same old stuff, but I think that that has more to do with the way we think about ourselves and the situation. Instead of realising we are trying to learn

Ways To Healing

2009-01-28T22:47:00.000-08:00

(Article based on my experience) You begin in shock. In disbelief. You may suffer from Post Traumatic Stress (I did). As you are beginning to re-remember, the feelings are going to be overwhelming. Every emotion under the sun. Chaotic feelings. Tremendous ambivalence. Anger, hatred, vengefulness, murder, all the really nasty stuff. Terrible, soul-tearing loneliness. This is normal, this is you

Forgiveness

2009-01-28T22:44:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness is something you can't really DO, that is, WILL. It comes, as healing comes- it is given to you. But in a most surprising way! Healing Is Forgiveness Manifested In the aftermath of my encounter with an Internet psychopath or "cyberpath"- a severe form of mental rape along the narcissism continuum, I have puzzled over what "forgiveness" means, in books, and on the

PUSH: Letting Go

2009-01-28T22:41:00.000-08:00

How's that for a contradiction in terms?thegiven, as a long term survivor, has written a wise article on what it means to hope and pray, and to let go and let things and life be. ~Invicta 10/03PUSH from the journals of thegivenBefore you jump to conclusions about what this page is about, first hear me out. My reason in making this the second most important page down from my welcome, is that it's

HEALING: Leaving the Net

2009-01-28T22:38:00.000-08:00

Leaving the InternetI suppose it is hard to understand why anyone would actually want to give up dealing with narcissism and psychopathy, especially when all the accumulated experience and knowledge could help people. In the past couple of years I have been talked back into staying (managing the group) even though I had begun to chafe at the chains that bind me to everyone who has truly suffered

Recovery Signposts

2009-01-28T22:37:00.000-08:00

Indicators of Recovering Reclaiming and renewing yourself does not happen quickly, nor in any measurable way except that which you are mindful of. It takes enormous courage and determination, and time without boundaries. One day, you will look at the list and you will be surprised. ~ Invicta 02/13/03 Willingness to look the abuse in the face, acknowledge to yourself, and endure, the hurt, the

Pathologizing the Victim: Codependency Facts

2009-01-28T22:18:00.000-08:00

Codependency? I am strongly opposed to the notion of co-dependency, especially in relation to survivors of abuse. My view is that human beings are interdependent. "Co-dependence", it seems, is all about lack and emptiness, all about us and a focus on getting our needs met. It becomes all about us. So that even loving, caring behaviours, the desire for attachment, can be distorted and labelled an

Myth of Borderline

2009-01-28T22:03:00.000-08:00

Very controversial.Unplugging Borderline Personality DisorderI find mythologising pretty rampant on the internet. And Real Life is no exception. When I was in graduate school, the prof I esteemed most, happened to be a Professor of Psychiatry. He taught the class in Abnormal Psych. This is what he had to say about Borderline Personality Disorder: that it was a "garbage can" label for a cluster

Unfailing Love

2009-01-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

Unfailing Love Love can fail, and we must know it can fail. For if love was always reciprocated, how could there ever be sincere love? Rather, every person retains his free will. No matter how strong you pull with cords of love in the right direction, he may always turn his back and run away. But you have done your part, you have shown love. And what is the reward for that love? It is

From the Child of A Narcissist

2009-01-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

From the child of a pathological narcissist: Surviving Narcissus In those quiet moments When the world slipped away... I believed. Quiet passion, breath, lips to skin. I believed in my creation Which was rapidly changing before me Dying, So that I could no longer believe in life. His jokes were more cruel in those days. His crowd-moving charisma had become More like impatient, self-seeking

Grieving the Relationship

2009-01-28T21:54:00.000-08:00

I found this to be an inspired, meticulous and empathetic detailing of the grief experience. Truly amazing. ~Invicta Author: nickyskye Subject: grieving a N My heart goes out to you in your recovery. Grieving the loss of a relationship with a N has many layers. They are not the usual layers of grieving a healthy person. The problem is that some of the layers ARE the same as grieving a healthy

Bearing Witness

2009-01-28T21:46:00.000-08:00

Another view from a survivor.Author: Ancient Rain........funny thing.I have never seen a Borderline do any lasting harm to anyone, though Ihave seen them blamed for a lot they didn't do, and a lot that neverhappened. [Note: I don't agree with a BPD designation. ~Invicta]Yet I have frequently seen psycho/narcissistic personality types torture orstifle real human beings by millimeters.I look now

How Do They Do It?

2009-01-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

I found this to be a truly insightful and inspired piece of writing; I think it is more important to know how they do it than why they do it. This is truly food for thought. A lot of it certainly fits with my experience. ~Invicta Author: * Date: October 10, 2000 6:08 AM Subject: Perhaps not in the overt case.Welcome to planet psychopath, although entirely human I was raised here and lived

The Art Of Seduction

2009-01-28T21:33:00.000-08:00

I did not know I was seduced, except in retrospect. Did you know? He was charming, but I knew it and resisted it. He got to me with purity, though, this psychoGAYguy. Did you know there are many ways to seduce that are not obvious and not always romantic? Seducers aren't always "bad boys". They can also represent themselves as "saints" or "healers" or "helpers"; they can be a man or a woman who

Passive Aggressive Red Flags

2009-01-28T21:30:00.000-08:00

Psychopaths and Ns, as well as other abusers often massively use passive aggressive tactics, as well as overt and covert aggression. They are indicators that the person is not willing to take responsibility for their interactions. They are signposts for us as well....... How do you recognize a "red flag?" It will be a thought or concern that jumps out at you that you quickly rationalize, excuse,

NARCISSISM SYMPTOMS

2009-01-28T21:27:00.000-08:00

Does the DSM IV and all that professional jargon leave you wondering?A checklist for the non-professional, full of subtle red flags. Narcissism Symptoms ChecklistHow to Spot An Emotional Vampire In my opinion, the DSM IV criteria (listed at the bottom) for Narcissistic Personality Disorder do not really help the average person. Sometimes people have narcissistic traits that overwhelm us, and we

The True Relationship

2009-01-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

Another view that has the simple and practical ring of truth, though probably controversial. Sometimes, things are really that simple. I witnessed a narcissist fall apart when her support system crumbled after her lies and deceit were exposed. (Unfortunately, she has recently rallied, on the wings of a new flock of innocents.)And, indeed, I found that I was in love with my own reflection; but

Can Narcissists Change?

2009-01-28T21:03:00.000-08:00

Can Disordered Narcissists Get Better?Posted by Stychia, Assistant Manager 01/19/04 I find this to be a brilliant assessment of the disordered personality's dilemma in facing change/therapy; I think the author is spot on in seeing thru the stone walls and falsity to the quivering, raw human being behind the mask. I would like to

Is Mr Hyde A Fake?

2009-01-28T20:57:00.000-08:00

True Self/False Self RevisitedPosted by Stychia, Assistant Manager 01/22/04 Stych has joked, "The Inflated False Self is neither inflated, nor false, nor a self.....discuss". I think she makes a very salient point. This post reassesses a common assumption in groups on the internet, among others- that Mr. Hyde,

How To Live With A Narcissist

2009-01-28T20:54:00.000-08:00

The only advice I have found so far that makes sense. It is simple, direct, and challenges and empowers the subject of the offense- YOU. ~Invicta 11/04 5 Tips On How To Live With A Narcissist By Kathleen Brizendine, M.A. A narcissist's emotional growth stops maturing at the age of 2 1/2 or 3 years of age. This may be due to a trauma, which was more than their young psyche could withstand.

Projection Made Easy

2009-01-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

IMO, psychologising becomes a slippery slope. It is dangerous because it enables us to ultimately blame ourselves, or even our family; our focus on the awful fact of the character disordered becomes blurred and we waver mentally. We move further and further away from the fact that there is nothing we could have done differently at the time, and that it was not our fault.

About Narcissism/Psychopathy

2009-01-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

Why Me? Answers the question. This was true in my case. Relevant to most relationships, across the spectrum of intimacy. What Makes Narcissists Tick:Kathy Krajco (RIP)The BlogPremium site. Easy to understand with terrific examples. Personal viewpoint, slant, understanding and insight, relatively

About Narcissism/Psychopathy2

2009-01-28T20:24:00.000-08:00

CaseStudy:ThePsychiatrist* PsychopathicProfile Elaboration on Cleckley's and Hare's Checklists. Antisocial Sociopath Psychopath Sorting out some of

Abuse Excuse

2009-01-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

Abuse Excuse Gregory Koukl Greg identifies the underlying view of human nature of those who would accept the "My mom abused me!" excuse from a criminal. I want to talk to you about something that we've talked about here before, and that's the "reason as an excuse" point of view. By the way, this is what we saw being used in the Lorena Bobbitt

About Narcissism/Psychopathy3

2009-01-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

Malignant Narcissism~ NO LONGER RECOMMENDED One of S. Vaknin's multitudinous sites. He is a self-proclaimed "malignant narcissist", but he has just recently been diagnosed as a psychopath. He also distorts too much about NPD be

Aftermath and Recovery

2009-01-28T19:25:00.001-08:00

Self-EsteemVsSelf-Respect "The Power Lies in the Difference". Cogent and persuasive argument against obsessing about "self-esteem" as the way to healing according to pop psychology. It can hinder instead of heal. Instead, know what you stand for. SymptomsofTRAUMA

Books for Healing

2009-01-28T17:04:00.000-08:00

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma By Peter A Levine Goes to the bare roots of PTSD. Our body's natural desire to heal is sabotaged by our higher brains. There is no chance to follow-through healing after trauma. This book shows why, and how to come back down to earth, using the natural healing powers of your body. My holy grail! (After much psychotherapy, I believe this is the final piece of

FBI Profile of the Mental Rapist

2009-01-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

Stop Net Abusers Archive The following is transcribed from the written logs of a conversation that an individual from TalkCity had with an agent at the FBI. [Mental rape is the purview of the disordered and the abusive. All survivors have experienced this to some degree, imo. ~Invicta] The Mental Rapist Enjoys Abusing Women: ~~ He abuses then backs off. After he has abused to a certain point he

Helping Predators

2009-01-28T16:38:00.000-08:00

Deleted from suite 101 Not everyone has this experience in groups, or a bad experience, but this was mine in a particular group. The groups I recommend in the links remain sane and safe, with strong, mature women as managers rather than "gurus" or "wannabees". If you are having a bad experience or are feeling unsafe or invalidated, leave the group! Author: i_n_v_i_c_t_a Date: June 4, 2002 7:35

Narcissism in Action

2009-01-28T16:33:00.000-08:00

We think that manipulative people are largely far away- we encountered them in RL, we just don't think of them as being on the net. Whether on the net or in RL, we need to know how they operate. Remember your N- how reasonable they seem to other people while you are tearing your hair out? That is narcissism in action- that is a teflon N/psychopath. Remember how they plagiarise emotion, your

Narcissism in Action 2: Wannabes

2009-01-28T16:22:00.000-08:00

Followers In my experience, followers, who aim to mimic a leader/guru-type, and those who snow you with their vast yet superficial knowledge, their expertise and authority, exhibit some of the following characteristics and fall into the two overlapping categories that are suggested by and adapted from Tim Fields' "Bullyonline" discoveries, with my emphasis. To me, the most salient characteristic

Narcissism in Action 3: Unmasked

2009-01-28T15:49:00.000-08:00

Often we are not aware of Narcissism in Action until we are the recipients of the nastiness. As we know, no one believes us. The manipulator has a whole network of buds that they support with flattery and fake emotion and 'help'. There is no way to win against a cheat and a sneak, until they expose themselves. Often, that person passes thru people's lives superficially as a great human being.

You've Been Had

2009-01-28T15:26:00.000-08:00

This is what untutored online "experts" specialising in "Narcissism" and "Psychopathy"say:We are nurturers and we often find that we have traits of co-dependency. Also, issues with Dependent Personality Disorder (Echo Personality Disorder) and even masochism traits among members, are not uncommon on NPD forums and websites. Additionally, we may have been raised in homes with severe and serious

Profile Of A Sociopath

2009-01-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

Profile of a Sociopath A number of cult leaders may exhibit many of the behavioral characteristics of a sociopath--an outstanding ability to charm and seduce followers. Since they appear apparently normal, they are not easily recognizable as deviant or disturbed. Although only a trained professional can make a diagnosis, it is important to be able to recognize the personality type in order

Silence of the Lambs

2009-01-28T15:15:00.000-08:00

In April of 1999, Rebecca Horton wrote this paper, entitled "The Sociopath". Sociopaths have always existed in varying form and to various degrees. They have been known by various titles. They have been studied using various techniques, and through the years their ailment has been blamed on various causes. But one thing never varies: all sociopaths share three common characteristics. They are

BPD Discussion (MSN Groups Excerpt)

2008-11-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

There is debate even within the BPD community regarding the validity of the BPD label.From: MSN Nickname LawfulPossu, (Original Message) Sent: 5/29/2003 1:28 AMHi i am new here to this group. This bpd stuff gets to me. I am a self harmer and it seems like i am given this label. Cause the shrinks don't know how to handle self harmers. does anyone else have this problem. Message 2 of 59 in