Author: Ancient Rain
I have never seen a Borderline do any lasting harm to anyone, though I
have seen them blamed for a lot they didn't do, and a lot that never
happened. [Note: I don't agree with a BPD designation. ~Invicta]
Yet I have frequently seen psycho/narcissistic personality types torture or
stifle real human beings by millimeters.
I look now at my life, the life that never happened.
All the psychopaths and narcissists gone, safe at last.
My physical health is broken past recovery, in tiny little day to day ways.
I never had time, or a reason to take care of it, or learn how.
I love and am loved in a way I trust as surely as the ground beneath my
But there is nothing inside me that even feels entitled to survival.
I was raised isolated in a psycho/narcissistic environment, where to care
about anything except yourself was a mental illness, where "truth" was
whatever they wanted it to be, not sometimes, not under pressure, but as a way of life.
The only people and behaviours I had a chance to be familiar with are
psycho/narcissistic, and constantly destructive.
A world of lies that exists only in two polyester dimensions.
Where nothing tells the truth reliably, not even the clocks.
I have escaped at last, but everything outside is so unfamiliar to me,
alien, I don't even know the basics, everything I have to deal with is a
massive undertaking. I will never be able to function normally, or
comfortably. Not even on the simplest levels.
Very few like me make it out alive.
I don't care about me, I'm carefully programmed not to after all.
But what of the rest?
Even the one's who lie in neglected graves, scapegoated in death, as I was
intended to be?
Which includes my own Grandmother.
Literally manipulated to her death.........
Sorry, lies, manipulations, concealed agenda can damage as much and as
surely as bullets and knives. It's just a lot harder to prove and prevent.
Almost impossible to contain.
I have never seen a narcissist recover, they can't, they have nothing to
gain by recovery after all, and everything to lose. They go on damaging
others, and the rationalisations get more expert over time.
And people, often the most innocent, go on getting hurt, through no fault
of their own, with very little choice in the matter.
The N will always survive, by lying, cheating, stepping on others, threats
and intimidation. The survival of the victims is not thus guaranteed.
They have priority.
But even after that, what on earth is gained by funding Ns to tell bigger
and better lies? Rationalise and justify themselves in new, more effective
ways and go on grinding other people into dust as usual? Because that is
ALL that would happen. What, after all, is the life of an N but one long
confidence trick? That is never benign?
Society needs to pour its funds into containing the capacity to harm of
psycho/narcissistic personality types. Before having any claim on healing, or the compassion of society, the N must first contain (in a REAL sense) his capacity to harm.