Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Free: Cleckley's "Mask of Sanity"(Pdf format)

Survivors Speak

"To my experience, a favored technique for Narcissists is to debilitate your identity [personally, I hate the term self-esteem] by levelling false accusations and/or questioning your honesty, fidelity, trustworthiness, your “true” motivations, your “real” character, your sanity and judgement.”
"He was the MASTER of saving up your most personal “confessions” and then using them to tell you why you are so disgusting and sickening.”
"It does take time for our hearts to get the entire message. I think there is a part of us that wants so badly to believe that another person will somehow see the love offered to them and be glad for it, to receive it and appreciate it”.
"I think that only God can forgive this, I don't think about forgiveness. And the hardest part for me to grasp even now, is that there was NO relationship! It never actually existed. There is nothing. Still, it's good to know. I accept it and that knowledge has helped me tremendously to move on."

Welcome Home! You are not alone.........

If you found your way here then you may have encountered someone with narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, or someone who seems to exhibit some symptoms of a psychopath. [Did you know that pathological narcissism may be considered a less severe form of psychopathy? More here: Conscience Continuum

For some survivors it feels like an emotional holocaust. For almost everyone it is misery, a nightmare. Some say it feels like evil.

Sometimes angelic, more often, hell-on-earth, is the emotional rollercoaster due to bipolar, or personality disorders or other types of mental illness? Who wouldn't feel confused and looking for answers?! Especially when we feel the pull towards them, just when we think we might escape it

We may not always find the answers we hope for, but I believe our lives depend on asking the questions. For if we don't know what we stand for, we don't know what we're willing to live and die for. And then it becomes easy for anyone to persuade us of anything.

Know you are not alone in these singular experiences. And you are not alone in seeking answers to your questions.....~ Invicta (MA, Counseling Psychology)

More here: ThePennyDrops

R.I.P. Tony C. Brown
Kathy Krajco


Anonymous said...

Thank you for this site, you have helped more people than you will probably ever know. Well done.

Bronwynn said...

Finding the reason "WHY" has been the turning point for me. No matter how many psychologists and life coaches told me that I should stop trying to find the fault in myself - that it was his problem and that he needed help - I never believed it until I heard of and then researched Narcissism. I cant believe I did not know what it was. I guess I never needed to know till now - I only wish I had known. I did the worse thing possible - I shared my 'Twin Flame' list with him - my list and affirmations of dreams - everything I wanted, needed and desired in a perfect relationship -not realising I was giving him the club to beat and destroy my soul with. Like giving a serial killer a loaded gun! Your site has helped me a lot and I will continue to follow your and other victims and survivors posts.

Deborah said...

What the hell is wrong with me and why should I care ??? I want the man..I knew he had issues..I just didn't know the exact diagnosis or what exactly ails him...If I KNEW I would have still stayed with him..I would have given it my best attempt at helping with his illness to become more intimate with me...aren't I selfish..aren't I crazy...Self esteem...he was my self esteem! He was giving me what NO ONE has given me. I make no apologizes for being the less then stable person myself.. Sad ..maybe so...but my heart is so broken..I love him..I want him and if he EVER comes back, I'm going to give it another what if I have least I have some love..however fake it is to others.

Anonymous said...

I've lived with a narcissist for about 30 years now. It hasn't always been easy, but it hasn't been totally miserable either. Narcissism, like anything else, comes in varying degrees, being anywhere from mild and infrequent to intolerable. Regardless of whether you're getting blindsided by your N's crazy behavior three times a week or three times a year, it's still going to do a number on you.

Sure, you can get counseling if you can afford it and if it makes you feel better. However, be wary of couples counseling. Be advised that your narcissistic mate is perfectly capable of pulling the wool over any counselor's eyes and making you out to be the bad guy. I know. I had it happen to me. A survivor's blog such as this one is a much better place to learn and empower one's self than a shrink's office.

The more you know and understand about narcissism, the better you will be able to deal with it, assuming, of course, that you can't leave, which is far and away the best option. It's important to know that narcissism isn't the same thing as stupidity. Narcissists are frequently very intelligent, highly successful people. The next time your N starts playing the blame game and screaming at you, look him straight in the eye and say, "Bullshit", and then walk away. I've found this to be a very good tactic for defusing a bad situation. He may very well be emotionally immature, but on an intellectual level he is capable of knowing (if not always caring) what he's doing. More importantly, you've let him know with just that one word that you understand what he's doing too. Obviously, if your N tends to be physically violent, you should run, not walk, straight out the front door and never go back.

It also helps to keep your understanding of the situation rooted in reality rather than buying into some "out there" theory about demonism. Narcissists aren't any more evil than a wolf or a coyote is evil. They are simply doing what they think they have to do in order to get what they need. Their emotional differences most likely stem from a glitch in the hardwiring, so to speak. I know that sounds like it's excusing their abominable behavior. It isn't meant to. It just means you need a firm platform on which to build your understanding, not a lot nonsense and flaky suppositions.

It's crucial to develop a strong personality of your own, and to have unshakeable faith in your own sanity and emotional stability. Even if you're the meekest, most timid of people, you can still build a strong personality if you work at it. Try taking a martial arts class. That can work wonders toward building self confidence.

I hope this helps those of you who are living with a narcissist.