Posted by Stychia, Assistant Manager 01/22/04
Stych has joked, "The Inflated False Self is neither inflated, nor false, nor a self.....discuss". I think she makes a very salient point. This post reassesses a common assumption in groups on the internet, among others- that Mr. Hyde, not Dr Jekyll, is real. Stych smashes that false idol and engenders a huge paradigm shift in the way we orient ourselves to the character disordered, especially narcissists. As for psychopaths- I think that remains a separate question at this point in time. Even Cleckley could only speculate ~Invicta
I remember when I first realized my husband's behavior was disturbing, and started reading up on personality disorders, I was very concerned about the Jekyll and Hyde nature of his personality- the super nice guy who made me feel like a princess, and the manipulative, out of control, devaluing, vile-tempered, self-absorbed jerk. I thought the True Self was the Nice Guy, and the False Self was the Bad Guy.
This is wrong. Nice Guy and Bad Guy are both part of the False Self.
The False Self has a critical mission - to have power over others (specifically you.) The False Self doesn't care if this power is in the form of you adoring it or fearing and hating it. If it can make you dance, it feels good. They are in control, and that's primarily what narcissism is all about.
The True Self is that pathetic little orphan, locked away in a tomb of deep, paralysing pain.
So take this carefully into account, all ye who are anxiously awaiting the wonderful day your N sees the light, sheds the False Self and all of its primitive defense mechanisms - there ain't nothing there. They are empty vessels.
Many try to fill it up with things like food, drink, drugs, sex, the finest material possessions money can buy, enmeshed relationships with others - but it doesn't work. They are like black holes, emotionally.
The Bad Guy isn't real, the Nice Guy isn't real, all there is underneath the pretense is a helpless little critter that hasn't a clue about anything.
Then you have to decide if that's what you really want.
Peace to all of you, my friends-
© Stychia-msn 2004-2009. Reproduction, even in part, by permission only
2 comments:
Very well said and spot on, in my opinion.
Heed this blog's advice, and also remember: what you are going through/went through with your narcissist is NOT your fault. This is the way they are built, unfortunately for those of us who have had the misfortune of getting involved with one...
Thanks for posting this. Just discovered your site; recently separated from my narcissistic/depressed husband, and not sure what the future holds.
I also have a masters in psychology which did not help me avoid a narcissist. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one, and the insights offered here are very useful. Thank you.
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